Photos of a new collection Erotic jewelry. Would you want to buy anything?

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Breast Implant Sales Dip Due To The Economy

This is literally the worst news to come out of the recession yet, and I’m including the fictional story I crafted about a father of a family of seven blowing his boss in order to not get fired (it was a feel good story): Breast implants are falling due to overall brokeness.


The bigger-boob business has gone bust.
With the stock market in a tailspin and home values dropping, demand for breast implants is sagging too, city docs say.
“The number of the bigger surgeries has gone down for sure,” said Dr. David Shafer, a Manhattan plastic surgeon. Breast enlargement surgery can cost anywhere from $4,000 to more than $10,000.
“People are definitely thinking twice right now,” said Dr. Sydney Coleman, another Manhattan surgeon. He said his colleagues in the lucrative field are starting to feel the pinch. “They’re complaining about it,” he said, “and they don’t usually complain.”
“If the procedure is purely aesthetic, it’s definitely down,” said Dr. Sydney Coleman, whose Manhattan practice does both aesthetic and reconstructive.

This is so depressing. You never really understand the problems with the economy until it really hits home and this is one of those situations. Every time I see a flat chested woman, I’ll shed a single tear like a Native American seeing trash on the ground. Or I’ll just iron my clothes on the front of her body. Either way, I think she and I will both learn a little lesson about the economy and how to correct God’s errors.
In related news, I’m taking up a collection to fund women’s breast implants. It will be appropriated to those in need primarily through me shoving dollar bills into the underwear of women dancing on stages, but it’s really going to make a difference. Also, it’ll probably already go to women who have implants because they’re just better than those without. Maybe it’ll encourage the flat chested girls to work a little harder. So everybody wins.

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Signs of the times

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Mini- Me’s love life is God’s punch line

I don't know about you guys, but it's been way too long since one of Verne Troyer’s jilted ex lovers has sold her story to News of the World. This time around it's former Playmate Genevieve Gallen who married Mini-Me in 2004 after the two were introduced by Hugh Hefner at a New Year's Eve party. Things went sour when Genevieve learned her knight in children's pajamas has a drinking problem.
(Read: One thimble of bourbon and the shit is on!):


On first going to Mini-Me's "house":
She felt like Alice in Wonderland when she first went back to Verne’s place . . . a SHED at the end of his manager’s garden. “It was a little off-putting because everything was so small,” says Genevieve. “There was a miniature futon and a miniature refrigerator and bed. The light switches were all down at the level of my knee and the toilet was no bigger than a child’s potty.”

On realizing Mini-Me might have a bit of a drinking problem:
“One Valentine’s night, I tried to do something really special for him. I knew he liked the color red, so I put on everything red, including red stockings, red garter belts, a red thong and patterned red shoes just how he liked them,” says Genevieve. He seemed really excited and jumped up on the coffee table as he ordered me into different poses. He took some pictures of me and I was ready for a really beautiful night but before we could make love he was so drunk he passed out wearing his socks and boxers."


On getting accidentally locked out of the house after Mini-Me got trashed:
"The neighbors’ called the police and I convinced them to break the door open to let me in. But then they demanded to see Verne so I could prove it was my house. When I found him, he was face down clutching a pillow. I tried to wake him but it was impossible, so I had to pick him up still clutching the pillow and take him outside to present him to the police officers. They were shining the light on his head and Verne was mumbling, ‘What’s going on?” One of the police officers started laughing but the other one told him to stop. It was really embarrassing.”

Look, I don't want to seem like I'm discriminating against little people here, but maybe the next time their guild meets inside a mushroom, they should let Verne know he's not doing anybody any favors. Just sayin'.

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Britney Spears' dad gives himself a raise

When a father sees his little girl overcoming adversity to become a superstar, his heart fills with unimaginable pride and joy. Except for Jamie Spears who did that shit the first time and would prefer his joy in the form of greenbacks. The AP reports:

"Jamie Spears had been receiving $10,000 a month for his work, but Los Angeles Superior Court Commissioner Reva Goetz increased that amount to approximately $16,000 per month and agreed to give him backpay.He was also granted an additional $1,200 monthly payment so he can maintain an office, which Goetz said was justified by his work getting his daughter's personal life — and music career — back on track."

So, by my math, Jamie Spears is now pulling in an annual salary of $894,000.

To a now whopping $206,400 for making sure his 26-year-old daughter wears underwear. I gotta get me a special kid.

Any ladies out there have a uterus I can borrow for eight to nine months?

Here are the terms:
1. Greatest minute or less of your life!

2. No child support.

3. Guarantee that if child doesn't grow up to be a superstar, we'll tell her she's adopted then send her on a quest to find her birth parents.

And by we I mean you. I'll be in Reno explaining to bookies how my baby mama couldn't even land a record deal, so please don't break my fingers.
Sound awesome? Hell yeah it does!

American Dream, here we come!

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Astronomy Picture of the Day

Each day a different image or photograph of our fascinating universe is featured, along with a brief explanation written by a professional astronomer.

2009 January 2

Alpine Conjunction


Explanation: Did you see it? The last conjunction of Moon and bright planets in 2008 featured a young crescent Moon and brilliant Venus in the west after sunset on December 31st. Seen here in dark, clear, mountain air from Mönichkirchen, Austria, are the two celestial beacons that dominate planet Earth's night sky. That pair was hard to miss, but skygazers watching lower along the western horizon in early twilight might also have glimpsed a pairing of Jupiter and Mercury as they both wandered closer to the Sun in the sky at year's end. Still, while this single, 5 second long exposure seriously overexposes the Moon's sunlit crescent, it does capture another planet not visible to the unaided eye. The tiny pinprick of light just above the photographer's head in the picture is the distant planet Neptune.

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'Hello 911? I'm driving drunk'

BISMARCK, N.D. – Police get calls about drunken drivers all the time, but rarely do they come from the alleged offender. A 17-year-old girl in Bismarck called 911 on New Year's Eve "to report herself driving under the influence," police Lt. Randy Ziegler said. "I've never heard of such a thing happening, and neither has anyone here."

The girl told authorities her location shortly before midnight Wednesday and officers found her in a parked car near downtown, Ziegler said. She failed a sobriety test and was arrested for failing to have control of her vehicle while intoxicated.
The girl, whose name was not released because of her age, was not cited for drunken driving, Ziegler said.
"Her keys were in her purse and she was parked," Ziegler said. "She did tell us that she had been driving around for hours."
The call probably was a plea for help, he said.
"She told us her life was spiraling out of control, and she had spent the majority of time drinking over the past two weeks," Ziegler said.
The girl was released to her parents Thursday.

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